1. Adults shamed as children are afraid to be vulnerable and reveal
themselves to others.
2. Adults shamed as children may suffer extreme shyness,
embarrassment and feelings of being inferior to others. They don't
believe they make mistakes. Instead, they believe they are
mistakes.
3. Adults shamed as children fear intimacy and tend to avoid real
commitment in relationships. These adults frequently express the feeling
that one foot is out the door, prepared to run.
4. Adults shamed as children may appear either grandiose and
self-centered, or seem selfless.
5. Adults shamed as children feel that, "No matter what I do, it
won't make a difference; I am and always will be worthless and
unlovable."
6. Adults shamed as children frequently feel defensive when even
minor negative feedback is given. They suffer feelings of severe
humiliation if forced to look at their mistakes or imperfections.
7. Adults shamed as children frequently blame others before they can
be blamed.
8. Adults shamed as children may suffer from debilitating guilt.
These individuals apologize constantly. They assume responsibility for
the behavior of those around them.
9. Adults shamed as children feel like outsiders. They feel a
pervasive sense of loneliness throughout their lives, even when
surrounded with those who love and care for them.
10. Adults shamed as children project their beliefs about themselves
onto others. They engage in mind-reading that is not in their favor,
consistently feeling judged by others.
11. Adults shamed as children often feel angry and judgmental towards
the qualities in others that they feel ashamed of in themselves. This
can lead to shaming others.
12. Adults shamed as children often feel ugly, flawed and imperfect.
These feelings regarding self may lead to focus on clothing and makeup
in an attempt to hide flaws in personal appearance - and themselves.
13. Adults shamed as children often feel controlled from the outside
as well as from within. Normal spontaneous expression is blocked.
14. Adults shamed as children feel they must do things perfectly or
not at all. This internalized belief frequently leads to performance
anxiety and procrastination.
15. Adults shamed as children experience depression.
16. Adults shamed as children lie to themselves and others.
17. Adults shamed as children block their feelings of shame through
compulsive behaviors like workaholism, eating disorders, shopping,
substance abuse, list-making, or gambling.
18. Adults shamed as children often have caseloads rather than
friendships.
19. Adults shamed as children often involve themselves in compulsive
processing of past interactions and events and intellectualization as a
defense against pain.
20. Adults shamed as children are stuck in dependency or
counter-dependency.
21. Adults shamed as children have little sense of emotional
boundaries. They feel constantly violated by others. They frequently
build false boundaries through walls, rage, pleasing or isolation.
