A good-sized adult cat, when skinned out, should
have enough meat on it's bones to make a six or eight
tamales. Smaller cats and the immature kittens (often
sought for their tenderness), won't yield quite as much
meat, so adjust the number you will need, accordingly.
Maybe you have a commercial source of pre-packaged cat.
Let me suggest, however, that you kill and butcher your
own. Skinning cat isn't as much of an ordeal as you may
think. First, lop off the head, and discard it. It contains
no usable meat, and the brain of a cat is too small to bother
with. Believe me, it would take many, many cats, just to
make a small pan of brains and eggs!
(\(\
(\ /)///_
\\_//.-\ )____
|_ / .-'-----'
___ (_)_.-'
=/ o \=
( x_x )
\/ \/
The next thing you want to remove, is the tail. This
should also be discarded...
_ __
( ( \
/ / |
/ / /
\ \ \
-./_/ \ _.---._
\ _.-'_.-'-._`-.
| \.-' `-'
______/
Get rid of the feet, next...
\ \
\.--.|
`---'
.---.
.`--'(_
`-.__;;;
You may then make a longitudinal incision on the cat's
abdomen. Reach into the body cavity, and remove all of the
internal organs. Discard them; especially the liver,
which is frequently toxic in domestic cats. In any event,
it is quite inedible. There are no organ meats in cat.
The Swedish make a practice of eating cat genitalia, and
although they may relish these portions, I would not
suggest you try it. Mad Cat Disease has definitely been
linked to the eating of cat reproductive organs.
|____|
/ \
/ _ /
| / \)
\_)) )
( _))_) _ _
_ __ )) (( / / |
\ \ \ (_)-'_) / / /
\ \ \ (_( )) \ \ \
|_| |_ (_(( /_/ \
.' | \`.((_).' \
/ |
`.___________________/
At this point, you can now "skin" the meat. This is
accomplished by grabbing the loose skin around where the
head was removed, and pulling it back. Use a pair of pliers,
if necessary, but try not to resort to using a knife in
places where you have trouble. With a little practice, you
should be able to peel the cat's skin back, and continue the
process until you have rolled it completely off the body.
__..\/
/\ \ \\
/_/\_.___\ "Some gourmets will tell you to start
/\~()/()~//\ skinning from the open abdominal area.
\_ (_ _/ I advise against this; it is the cruder
\ //\\ / method, and you will definitely have to
__/\ __ /\__ use your knife at some point to finish up.
/ \ \ / / \ There may be more than one way to skin a
/ \/\/\/ \ cat, but there is only one way to do it
/ \ / \ properly, and elegantly. After you've
| | \/ __| | skinned a few cats my way, I'm certain
| | ; | | you'll agree that it IS the best method.
| | : | |
Now that you have your cat skinned, gutted, and trimmed of
extraneous limbs and the head, it's time to wash the meat. If
you skinned the cat properly, there should be no hair remaining
on the meat. Nevertheless, you should wash it carefully, to make
sure there are no stray hairs.
For best results you should soak your cat in salt water, for
at least an hour. If you have guests coming and are pressed for
time, you can skip over this step. If you add a little extra
seasoning to your cat in the cooking process, even a true
connoisseur shouldn't be able to recognize that you skipped over
the soaking process.
__________
( )
\ /
\ / "Okay, now that we've got that little
|______| chore out of the way, let's START
/_/\_.___\ COOKING!... First, we're going to
/\\~()\()~/\ flense the meat from the bones. We're
/| \_ _) _/ making tamales, remember! If this dish
/ / \ //\\/ was to be baked cat, you could just toss
_/_/ __/\ __ /\__ the beast in the oven at 350 degrees, and
(/.(\ / \__/ / \ sit back and wait for a couple of hours.
(o/_/ / o/ \ But what we need is bone-free cat strips,
\ \/ | \ to toss right into the frying pan..."
\ / | |
\ /| o| | |
\__/ | | | |
| | | |
_____
.-"" ""-.
.' _.-----._ `.
/ .'. `::,`:`. \_______________________
/ :: ::; `;:' .::' \ (_) \
| .::'.: `:::. :. |_____________________/
| ::. .::':: .:' /|
|\ .:: ::: .::' / | "Fill your frying pan up with the cat meat,
\ `. :;. ::. .' / to which you should add 1 cup of Mexican-
\ `.__________.' / style chili sauce, 2 cloves of garlic, and
`-. .-' 1 tablespoon of crushed cumin seeds. Add
`-.______.-' chili powder, and salt and pepper, to taste.
Fry at a medium-high temperature in a little
cooking oil, stirring occasionally. After ten or fifteen minutes,
add 1 cup of water, reduce heat, and simmer."
"Meanwhile, place 3 cups of cornmeal in a mixing bowl. Add 1/4 cup
of butter, 1/4 cup of lard, 1 teaspoon of baking powder, and 1/2 a
teaspoon of salt. Mix well.
[A note about lard: Lard tastes much better than vegetable
grease, but if you are a disgusting wide-body, you better
just use Crisco, or a similar product.]
To this, add one and a half cups of chicken or cat broth. Beat
until you have a light, soft dough."
__________
( )
\ / "Now take a small ball of your dough mixture,
\ / and spread it out on a corn husk. Remember
|______| to pre-soak your corn husks for an hour or
/_/\_.___\ two, so they will be soft and easy to roll.
/\\~()\()~/\ If you don't have any corn husks, you can use
\_ _) _/ _ aluminum foil, in 4x4 inch squares."
\ //\\/ _(_)
__/\ __ /\__ /\\\\
/ \__/ / \ |___/
/ o/ \ / /
/ | \/ /
| | | \ /
| | o| |\ /
| | | | `--'
| | | |
.-'"""""`-. "Spread at least a tablespoon
.-'.-' .-' .-' full of your filling down the
.-' .-' .-'.-' center of your dough. Then roll
.-'.-' .-' .-' the whole thing up, tucking in the
.-' .-'.-'.-' ends of the corn husk, so it stays
.-'.-' .-'.-' together. It should look about like
.-'.-' .-' .-' this."
`-._____.-'
) ( )
( ___ ( "When you have 12 to 18 tamales ready
) ( __(___)__ ( ( to cook, steam them over boiling
__..--"" ""--..__ ) water, for about two hours."
|_________________________| )
| |___________________
( | |__)________________)
)| | )
_\_______________________/_ (
| |
| |__________________
| |__________________)
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
`-._____________________.-'
__________
( ) "Garnish with a little lettuce,
\ / spread a little salsa over the
\ / top, and they're ready to serve!"
|______|
/_/\_.___\
/\\~()\()~/\
\_ _) _/
\ //\\/
__/\ __ /\__
/ \__/ / \
/ o/ \
/ | || \
\ \ |/ /
\ \_...---.../_
_.-"" __________""-.
.' .'.' / / / / / /\ `.`._
`. :: ()()()()()/ / :: `.
`.`. ()()()()()()/ .'.'_.'
`-.______________.-'
|
Cover and
soak cat roast in salt water for 24 hours. Drain water and then cover and soak
in beer for 6 hours. Drain and place in crock pot with your cans of soup. Add
a clove of garlic, and a cube of beef bouillon. If you start to slow cook your
cat in the morning with your George Foreman Cooker (or it's ilk), you'll have
finely cooked feline in time for supper.
Cat may
not be the most glamorous, or tastiest of game meats, but with a little
thought and preparation, Baked Cat can make the belly of the persnicketiest
diner glow with home baked goodness.
HOW TO SKIN
A CAT: