Death of a Pre-born Baby
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Death of a pre-born baby

For still-born babies, fatally deformed babies, miscarriages, tubal pregnancy abortions and ectopic pregnancy abortions.  These are all babies that were lost.  They need to be treated as children who died. There is grieving to do with others.

Here's a good article on this situation.


For those who were misled to have an elective abortion of their baby and then became a Christian. This can be forgiven.  But it was a baby that was lost.  It did exist. It has a name and a place in heaven.  There is a sense of something missing.

As a new Christian, our sins can be forgiven.  Our old life is done away. A new life has come. But we need to deliberately put it to rest in our hearts.

1. Get a sheet of paper and a pen
2. Go to the Christian 10 Commandments and write down what applies
3. Go to the Spiritual Cleanup Sheet and confess to God what is on the page.
4. Burn the page or soak it in pure bleach.  Those things are gone.
5. To finish it, do the Water Cleanup.


A ceremony for the death of the child
Let your heart lead
Acknowledge but set aside thoughts that may dismiss your need for some sort of ceremony or ritual (e.g.: “it only a fetus,” or “that was a long time ago”) – your heart, not your brain, knows what you need, put another way:
Don’t let logic or the opinions of others get in the way of what your heart tells you that you need for healing

Choose your company:

Consider asking a chaplain, pastor or other Christian to facilitate your ceremony
Including both parents is ideal, as well as close family who may also be grieving the loss
Keep it intimate

Choose your place:

Must be private
Must feel safe (emotionally and physically)
Must be able to hold a sense of sacredness (e.g.: a place of worship, a place in nature, a place that holds special memories)

Set a sacred space:

Choose items or rituals that make the space feel different and will mark the beginning of a ceremony
Use items and rituals that carry personal meaning for you
Call on God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit to bless this space
Pick (or write) poems or readings that touch your heart
Even a single candle with a few well-chosen words goes a long way

Choose a remembrance for your child:

chose or declare the name of the child
Could be a poem or song
Could be items you expected to give the child
If you don’t have anything, consider buying a gift as a remembrance

Choose a blessing for the child:

Something you can write yourself, about your feelings and feelings for the child
Seek prayers, poems, music  and blessings already written
Offer these words/music with the physical gift

Release the remembrance:

Put it in a special memory box or book
Release it into a river
Donate it to charity
Burn it

Allow time and space:

Don’t rush the ritual
Allow time for tears, laughter, and any other emotions that come up

Bless each other:

If a facilitator is present, they will bless you
If there are only two of you present, bless each other
If you are conducting a ceremony on your own – bless yourself!

Bless others who are grieving:

Use words or rituals to acknowledge all parents who are grieving the loss of their children
You may wish to bless specific people who have also lost children
Remember that you are not alone in your suffering

Choose your closing ritual:

Pick (or write) words that emphasize the greater context of pain and death in life
Pick (or write) words that speak of hope, healing, and life after tragedy
And ABOVE ALL call each other to love and open more deeply to this complexity of life
(Extinguish candles, or otherwise use a prayer to mark the end of the ceremony)


edited: May 31, 2017